Comedian Rob Delaney Is Suing Kim Kardashian Over Her Divorce

The marital bliss for Kim Kardashian lasted a little bit longer than the line in a public bathroom at game night. Today, the reality star filed for divorce from NBA player Kris Humphries. The reason: irreconcilable differences.

But Kardashian is not the only one who is upset by this turn of events. Comedian Rob Delaney also feels cheated and would be asking for a refund if it was at all possible. In an essay for Vice, Delaney talks about his intentions to sue the diva for promoting the sham wedding, blaming everyone from the Kardashian clan to Ryan Seacrest, E! Entertainment and even Comcast.

“KIM KARDASHIAN, I WANT THIS FOR YOU,” said Delaney.  ”I don’t hate you. I hate your shows. I hate that I know who you are. But I could move to Patagonia or New Guinea and escape you if I wasn’t as willingly bound up in our terrifying modern consumer culture as you are. I know that under your unnecessary inch of makeup and Kevlar sheath dress is a heart that yearns for true love and could find and appreciate the pleasures in marriage that I described above. That’s why I’d like you to stay married. And if you won’t, I will sue you. Because when you wrap your marriage vows around a cubic zirconia encrusted baseball bat and beat us about the head and face with them, you can stay the fuck married for more than 20 minutes, you sexy monster. I’ll see you in court.”

How we wish for this to actually go to court. Though highly doubtful, it truly would make great entertainment.

“Please RT! I’m suing @KimKardashian to stop her divorce:http://www.vice.com/read/i-am-suing-kim-kardashian Time is of the essence! cc: @VICE, tweeted Delaney

Follow Delaney on Twitter for future legal updates @robdelaney.

Check out some stand-up from Delaney here, courtesy of YouTube:

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